I’m Hispanic, and I grew up in the worst part of Albuquerque, New Mexico (USA), where BOTH sides of the railroad tracks, were the wrong side to come from. Just three doors down from the railroad yards, which everyone knows that railroads are dangerous, filthy, and noisy places!
The neighborhood was mostly Hispanic and Black, and it was a place where fear ruled! I lived in this dreadful neighborhood for fourteen years of my life, and during this time, I was always looking over my shoulder, which was a way of life for me! Gangs; drunks; prostitutes; drug dealers; miss-fits; winos; beggars; and hobos who would jump off the trains and comb the neighborhoods for food and money! Other than that, this was a nice place for a young kid to grow up!
During this time in my life, I didn’t speak the English language well (nevertheless don’t), and because of this, I had to learn how to speak the language at a young age. I spoke a combination of English and Spanish, which was called…Spang-lish…and, I made up words as I went along.
When I was fourteen, my family moved out of this black hole, and into the heights of Albuquerque, where the housing division was named “Snow Heights.” And, snow white it was, as it was mostly a White neighborhood, and coming from a mostly Hispanic and Black neighborhood, this was certainly a culture shock for me! Kids can be rude and tough, when it comes to teasing, and kids teased me all the time, because I didn’t speak English well.
So, speaking Spanish was put on the back-burner, as I had to concentrate on learning to speak and write English. But, being able to understand and speak Spanish, has always been of assistance to me. The most terrible thing about not speaking English well, was when I had to participate in a class discussion or give an oral book report. I was devastated the first time I got in front of the class and did a book report! Kids were sneering and laughing at me, and this would have an affect on me in the future. The problem would plague me throughout middle school and high school
Month by month and year by year, I would listen to others speak, and I learned from them how words were distinct. I wanted to learn to speak and write the English language in addition as I could, but I knew it would be a tough road. Writing the English language was not so tough on me, because only my teacher would see my work, etc.
Many years later, when I was in my forties, I took and completed two writing harmonies courses, and a creative writing class at the University of New Mexico, to try to enhance my writing skills. I wanted to pursue writing in the future and to write articles and a book I’m working on. Writing is something I can do until I hang up my tennis shoes, and computers today make it much easier. By completing the two writing courses, it gave me confidence to put up my website without hesitation, etc.
In writing my final paper for one of the harmonies courses, I wrote a spoof on the English language, and it was rejected by my instructor. My instructor has a Ph.D in communications, probably loves the written information, and seemingly he didn’t find anything amusing about the piece. I happen to be in the humor business for forty years, and I find the English language humorous at times…when spoken and written.
When kids grow up and learn to speak the English language, it can be hilarious! An example, was when my son, Jason, was growing up and he was about 3 or 4 years old, and I’ll proportion with you how he spoke and destroyed the English language all by himself. Maybe, you’ll find a few things amusing about how he talked back then. For example:
The information “cereal,” Jason would pronounce it, “sillio.” The name of the city, San Francisco, he would pronounce it, “Sanchez-frisco; the information “watermellon,” Jason would pronounce it, “meller-mellon.” The information “helicopter” would be distinct, “hoptercopter.” The words “Christmas tree” would be distinct, “mimis tree.” The words “potato chips,” would be distinct, “chater chips.” The old television series, Startsky and Hutch, would be distinct, Starchy and Hutch. If someone would mow the lawn, Jason would call it, “lawnmowring.” Instead, of Jason saying, “I want somehing to drink,” he would say, “Me want sompin to wink!” Jason, not only destroyed the English language, but he would make up words as he went along.
* * *
How can I look up a information in the dictionary, if I don’t know how to spell it? Webster, help me out!
* phonetic; Where did you learn to spell, Jer? The information is spelled, Phonetic; agreeing with pronouncing.
* Zerox (copy machine) : You spelled it wrong, Jer. The information is spelled, xerox.
* Filladelfia fillies: Sorry, Jer…the words are spelled, Philadelphia Phillies
* numonia; Wrong again, Jer. The information is spelled Pneumonia
* Just a reminder, Jer…your faling the speling bee. Shame on you!
* New Jersey: How is it distinct? New Joisey. (Spell it like it sounds)
* New York; Again, how is it distinct? New Yolk
* Spell window, Jer. In the south, it’s distinct “winder,” so I would spell it like it sounds.
* Plummer; Wrong again, Jer. The information is spelled, “plumber.”
* Boston: In Massachusetts, the city is distinct, “Baston.”
Have you ever visited Baston?
* Pill: in the south, the information is distinct “peel” and spelled the same way.
* Texas; In Texas, this information is reversed and is distinct, “Taxes.”
* Taxes: In Taxes, this information is distinct, “Texas.”
* Door; Spell it like it sounds. In the south again, this information is distinct, “Doe.”
Will somebody close that doe?
* Filibuster; wrong…the information is spelled Philibuster
* SLANG: Why don’t we add a little slang to the language to spice it up a bit. airhead; baby-boomer; barf; bazillion; biggie; bod; bonkers; booboo; booze; bread (money); brewsiki; shut-eye; cheesy; cool(excellent); couch potato; foxy; hunk; dorky; el cheapo; fender-bender; flaky; flick (movie); freebie; geek; go bannanas. Shake your groove-thing! It’s 10:00PM, do you know where your groove-thing is? Shake your booty. Do you have a booty to shake? Do you have a birthday suit? What’s the skinny? Put is a box. Hang it on your ear. Sit on it! You made your bed…you sleep on it!
* You don’t think the English language is screwy? Take a look in you’re medicine cabinet! Medications you cant pronounce or already right …write? omeprazoie; furosemide; metophrolol; losartan; buprepion. (P-l-e-e-z-e!) I don’t know how anyone can become a farmacist!
* Cathy; Kathy; Carol, Carole, Caroll; Gerry, Jerry; Ann, Anne, Betty, Bette, Jo, Joe; Terry, Terri; Cheryl, Sheryl; Bobby, Bobbie; Judy, Judi; Kelly, Kelli; John, Jon; Billie, Billy; (Let me see…where did I put my prozak…or is it…proxac…or is it…prozac…or is it…prosac? I’m having a nervous brakedown! Breakdown? Which is it?
* Do your own thing: In the south, it’s distinct, “do your own thang!” So, if a person in the south spells this information as it sounds, the information “thing,” would be spelled, “thang!” Write?
Wright; right; rite; dear; deer; doe; dough…(Whew…I’m getting a headache!) Have you ever written somebody a Deer John letter? You know write from wrong, rite?
I think you can guess why Dr. McCollister didn’t accept my final paper, although the paper didn’t look like this. He’s from Arizona, and maybe he doesn’t have much of a sense of “Yuma!” (Get it?) In closing, I have only one information to summarize the English language…S—C—R—E—E—E—-E—-M!!!